Alice in Wonderland.
Someone has stolen three of my tarts!
-Did you steal them?
-No, Your Majesty.
-Did you?
-No, Your Majesty.
-Did you steal them?
-No, Your Majesty.
(SWALLOWING)
(WHISPERING) Did you steal my tarts?
No, Your Majesty.
(WHISPERING) Squimberry juice.
-I was so hungry! I didn't mean to!
-Off with his head!
My family! Oh, please, please don't!
No! I have little ones to look after!
Go to his house and collect the little ones.
I love tadpoles on toast almost as much as I love caviar.
Yes, Your Majesty.
Drink!
Majesty?
Ilosovic Stayne, you knave, where have you been lurking?
Majesty, I have found the Oraculum.
That? Looks so ordinary for an oracle.
Look here, on the Frabjous Day.
I'd know that tangled mess of hair anywhere.
Is it Alice?
I believe it is.
What's she doing with my darling Jabberwocky?
She appears to be slaying it.
She killed my Jabber -baby -wocky?
Not yet, but it will happen if we don't stop her.
Find Alice, Stayne. Find her!
(YELPING)
Find the scent of human girl and earn your freedom.
For my wife and pups, as well?
Everyone will go home.
(SNIFFING)
(BARKS)
Dogs will believe anything.
(CHUCKLING)
It looks like you ran afoul of something with wicked claws.
And I'm still dreaming.
What did that to you?
-Banner or Bander...
-The Bandersnatch?
Well, I'd better have a look.
What are you doing?
It needs to be purified by someone with evaporating skills,
or it will fester and putrefy.
I'd rather you didn't. I'll be fine as soon as I wake up.
At least let me bind it for you.
-What do you call yourself?
-Alice.
The Alice?
-There's been some debate about that.
-I never get involved in politics.
You'd best be on your way.
What way? All I want to do is wake up from this dream.
Fine.
Then I'll take you to the Hare and the Hatter, but that's the end of it.
Coming?
(MARCH HARE SNORING)
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(YAWNING)
(STAMMERING)
Watch what you're doing!
Hey, watch it!
Okay, okay. All right.
It's you.
No, it's not. McTwisp brought us the wrong Alice.
It's the wrong Alice!
It's absolutely Alice.
You're absolutely Alice. I'd know you anywhere.
I'd know him anywhere.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
HATTER: Well, as you can see, we're still having tea.
And it's all because I was obliged to kill Time waiting for your return.
You're terribly late, you know. Naughty.
Well, anyway, Time became quite offended and stopped altogether.
Not a tick ever since.
(LAUGHING)
-Cup.
-Time can be funny in dreams.
Yes, yes, of course, but now you're back, you see,
and we need to get on to the Frabjous Day.
-Frabjous Day!
-Frabjous Day!
I'm investigating things that begin with the letter "M."
(WHISPERING) Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?
(ALL SPEAKING OUTLANDISH)
-Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
-Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
-What?
-Down with the Bloody Big Head,
the Bloody Big Head being the Red Queen.
Come, come. We simply must commence with the slaying and such.
Therefore, it is high time to forgive and forget
or forget and forgive, whichever comes first
or is, in any case, most convenient. I'm waiting.
(CHUCKLES) Hey. It's tick -tick... It's ticking again.
All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.
Ah.
The entire world is falling to ruin and poor Chessur's off his tea.
What happened that day was not my fault.
(INHALING SHARPLY)
Oh, dear.
You ran out on them to save your own skin,
you guddler's scuttish pilgar lickering shukm juggling sluking urpal.
Bar lom muck egg brimni!
Hatter!
-Thank you.
-(EXCLAIMING) Meow.
I'm fine.
What's wrong with you, Tarrant? You used to be the life of the party.
You used to do the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend.
-Futter what?
-Futterwacken!
It's a dance.
(LAUGHING)
On the Frabjous Day,
when the White Queen once again wears the crown,
on that day, I shall Futterwacken vigorously.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(HORSE NEIGHING)
Oh, no.
Uh -oh.
(GASPING) The Knave.
Goodbye.
MARCH HARE: Hide her!
Drink this quickly.
(ALICE COUGHING)
Quick! Hide her!
Oh, dear.
Aye.
Mind your head.
(NEIGHING)
(BAYARD SNIFFING)
Let me out!
Well, if it's not my favorite trio of lunatics.
MALLY: Would you like to join us?
(SNICKERING)
You're all late for tea!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
We're looking for the girl called Alice.
Speaking of the Queen, here is a little song we used to sing in her honor.
(ALL SINGING)
-Twinkle Twinkle little bat
-Twinkle Twinkle little bat
-How I wonder where you're at
-How I wonder where you're at
-Up à...
-Up a...
If you're hiding her, you'll lose your heads.
(HOARSELY) Already lost them.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
All together now!
-Up above the world you fly
-Up above the world you fly
-Like a tea tray in the sky
-Like a tea tray in the sky
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...
Oh!
(GROWLING)
Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
Would you like some cream?
(BARKING)
-Would you like a slice of Battenberg?
-Follow the bloodhound.
-MALLY: Sugar?
-Yes, please.
-Oh, that's lovely.
-You're all mad.
Thanks very much.
-(CUP SMASHING)
-(ALL LAUGHING)
MALLY: Pass the scones, please.
-MARCH HARE: That one there.
-Oh! Pardon.
MALLY: Yes. MARCH HARE: Yep, aye.
One moment.
(CUTTING CLOTH)
There. Yes.
Try this on for size.
(ALICE KNOCKING ON TEAPOT)
Oh.
I like it.
Good thing the bloodhound is one of us, or you'd be...
What do they want with me?
(EXCLAIMING) Wait a minute, best take her to the White Queen.
She'll be safe there. Spoon...
Your carriage, milady.
-The hat?
-Of course.
Anyone can go by horse or rail,
but the absolute best way to travel is by hat. Have I made a rhyme?
(MALLY AND MARCH HARE LAUGHING)
Oh, I love traveling by hat.
Mally. Just Alice, please. Fairfarren, all.
What do you mean? Wait. Gae!
"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves And the mome raths outgrabe"""
Sorry, what was that?
What was what?
"The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame Jaws that bite and claws that catch!
'Beware the Jabberwock, my son! And the frumious Bandersnatch!'"
"He took his Vorpal sword in hand The Vorpal blade went snicker -snack!
He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back"""
It's all about you, you know.
I'm not slaying anything. I don't slay, so put it out of your mind.
Mind.
Wait! You can't leave me here!
You don't slay.
Do you have any idea what the Red Queen has done?
You don't slay.
I couldn't if I wanted to.
You're not the same as you were before.
You were much more muchier. You've lost your muchness.
My "muchness"?
In there. Something's missing.
Tell me what Red Queen has done.
It's not a pretty story.
Tell me anyway.
It was here.
I was hatter to the White Queen at the time.
Hightopp clan have always been employed at court.
(MEDIEVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(JABBERWOCKY ROARING)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
(NEIGHING)
Hatter? Hatter!
I'm fine.
Are you?
(BAYARD BARKING)
Did you hear that? I'm certain I heard something.
What?
(BAYARD BARKING)
Oh! Red Knights.
(SNIFFING)
(BARKING)
Go south to Trotter's Bottom.
The White Queen's castle is just beyond.
Hold on tightly.
Down with the bloody Red Queen!
(BAYARD SNIFFING)
You were supposed to lead them away! The Hatter trusted you!
They have my wife and pups.
-What's your name?
-Bayard.
Sit!
Would your name be Alice, by any chance?
Yes, but I'm not the one that everyone's talking about.
The Hatter would not have given himself up just for any Alice.
Where did they take him?
To the Red Queen's castle at Salazen Grum.
We're going to rescue him.
That is not foretold.
I don't care. He wouldn't be there if it weren't for me.
The Frabjous Day is almost upon us.
You must prepare to meet the Jabberwocky.
From the moment I fell down that rabbit hole,
I've been told what I must do and who I must be.
I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched and stuffed into a teapot.
I've been accused of being Alice and of not being Alice, but this is my dream.
I'll decide where it goes from here.
If you diverge from the path...
I make the path.
Take me to Salazen Grum, Bayard, and don't forget the hat.
There's only one way across.
Lost my muchness, have I?
Bayard! The hat!
Your Majesty.
(FLAMINGO SQUAWKING)
(SQUEAKING)
So sorry.
Splendid shot!
Where's my ball? Page!
Yes, Your Majesty.
(SQUEAKING)
(SHUSHING) I want to help you.
(RUSTLING)
Well, if it isn't the wrong Alice.
What brings you here? Mmm?
I've come to rescue the Hatter.
You're not rescuing anyone being the size of a gerbil.
Well, do you have any more of that cake that made me grow before?
Upelkuchen? Actually, I might have some left.
Not all of it!
Oh, no! Stop! No, no, no, don't. Don't do that!
Page!
Oh, dear.
And what is this?
It... It's a "who, " Majesty. This is, um...
Um?
From Umbradge.
What happened to your clothes?
I outgrew them. I've been growing an awful lot lately.
I tower over everyone in Umbradge. They laugh at me.
So I've come to you, hoping you might understand what it's like.
My dear girl,
anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court.
1-2-3-4
-Did you steal them?
-No, Your Majesty.
-Did you?
-No, Your Majesty.
-Did you steal them?
-No, Your Majesty.
(SWALLOWING)
(WHISPERING) Did you steal my tarts?
No, Your Majesty.
(WHISPERING) Squimberry juice.
-I was so hungry! I didn't mean to!
-Off with his head!
My family! Oh, please, please don't!
No! I have little ones to look after!
Go to his house and collect the little ones.
I love tadpoles on toast almost as much as I love caviar.
Yes, Your Majesty.
Drink!
Majesty?
Ilosovic Stayne, you knave, where have you been lurking?
Majesty, I have found the Oraculum.
That? Looks so ordinary for an oracle.
Look here, on the Frabjous Day.
I'd know that tangled mess of hair anywhere.
Is it Alice?
I believe it is.
What's she doing with my darling Jabberwocky?
She appears to be slaying it.
She killed my Jabber -baby -wocky?
Not yet, but it will happen if we don't stop her.
Find Alice, Stayne. Find her!
(YELPING)
Find the scent of human girl and earn your freedom.
For my wife and pups, as well?
Everyone will go home.
(SNIFFING)
(BARKS)
Dogs will believe anything.
(CHUCKLING)
It looks like you ran afoul of something with wicked claws.
And I'm still dreaming.
What did that to you?
-Banner or Bander...
-The Bandersnatch?
Well, I'd better have a look.
What are you doing?
It needs to be purified by someone with evaporating skills,
or it will fester and putrefy.
I'd rather you didn't. I'll be fine as soon as I wake up.
At least let me bind it for you.
-What do you call yourself?
-Alice.
The Alice?
-There's been some debate about that.
-I never get involved in politics.
You'd best be on your way.
What way? All I want to do is wake up from this dream.
Fine.
Then I'll take you to the Hare and the Hatter, but that's the end of it.
Coming?
(MARCH HARE SNORING)
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(YAWNING)
(STAMMERING)
Watch what you're doing!
Hey, watch it!
Okay, okay. All right.
It's you.
No, it's not. McTwisp brought us the wrong Alice.
It's the wrong Alice!
It's absolutely Alice.
You're absolutely Alice. I'd know you anywhere.
I'd know him anywhere.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
HATTER: Well, as you can see, we're still having tea.
And it's all because I was obliged to kill Time waiting for your return.
You're terribly late, you know. Naughty.
Well, anyway, Time became quite offended and stopped altogether.
Not a tick ever since.
(LAUGHING)
-Cup.
-Time can be funny in dreams.
Yes, yes, of course, but now you're back, you see,
and we need to get on to the Frabjous Day.
-Frabjous Day!
-Frabjous Day!
I'm investigating things that begin with the letter "M."
(WHISPERING) Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?
(ALL SPEAKING OUTLANDISH)
-Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
-Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
-What?
-Down with the Bloody Big Head,
the Bloody Big Head being the Red Queen.
Come, come. We simply must commence with the slaying and such.
Therefore, it is high time to forgive and forget
or forget and forgive, whichever comes first
or is, in any case, most convenient. I'm waiting.
(CHUCKLES) Hey. It's tick -tick... It's ticking again.
All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.
Ah.
The entire world is falling to ruin and poor Chessur's off his tea.
What happened that day was not my fault.
(INHALING SHARPLY)
Oh, dear.
You ran out on them to save your own skin,
you guddler's scuttish pilgar lickering shukm juggling sluking urpal.
Bar lom muck egg brimni!
Hatter!
-Thank you.
-(EXCLAIMING) Meow.
I'm fine.
What's wrong with you, Tarrant? You used to be the life of the party.
You used to do the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend.
-Futter what?
-Futterwacken!
It's a dance.
(LAUGHING)
On the Frabjous Day,
when the White Queen once again wears the crown,
on that day, I shall Futterwacken vigorously.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(HORSE NEIGHING)
Oh, no.
Uh -oh.
(GASPING) The Knave.
Goodbye.
MARCH HARE: Hide her!
Drink this quickly.
(ALICE COUGHING)
Quick! Hide her!
Oh, dear.
Aye.
Mind your head.
(NEIGHING)
(BAYARD SNIFFING)
Let me out!
Well, if it's not my favorite trio of lunatics.
MALLY: Would you like to join us?
(SNICKERING)
You're all late for tea!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
We're looking for the girl called Alice.
Speaking of the Queen, here is a little song we used to sing in her honor.
(ALL SINGING)
-Twinkle Twinkle little bat
-Twinkle Twinkle little bat
-How I wonder where you're at
-How I wonder where you're at
-Up à...
-Up a...
If you're hiding her, you'll lose your heads.
(HOARSELY) Already lost them.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
All together now!
-Up above the world you fly
-Up above the world you fly
-Like a tea tray in the sky
-Like a tea tray in the sky
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...
-Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...
Oh!
(GROWLING)
Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
Would you like some cream?
(BARKING)
-Would you like a slice of Battenberg?
-Follow the bloodhound.
-MALLY: Sugar?
-Yes, please.
-Oh, that's lovely.
-You're all mad.
Thanks very much.
-(CUP SMASHING)
-(ALL LAUGHING)
MALLY: Pass the scones, please.
-MARCH HARE: That one there.
-Oh! Pardon.
MALLY: Yes. MARCH HARE: Yep, aye.
One moment.
(CUTTING CLOTH)
There. Yes.
Try this on for size.
(ALICE KNOCKING ON TEAPOT)
Oh.
I like it.
Good thing the bloodhound is one of us, or you'd be...
What do they want with me?
(EXCLAIMING) Wait a minute, best take her to the White Queen.
She'll be safe there. Spoon...
Your carriage, milady.
-The hat?
-Of course.
Anyone can go by horse or rail,
but the absolute best way to travel is by hat. Have I made a rhyme?
(MALLY AND MARCH HARE LAUGHING)
Oh, I love traveling by hat.
Mally. Just Alice, please. Fairfarren, all.
What do you mean? Wait. Gae!
"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves And the mome raths outgrabe"""
Sorry, what was that?
What was what?
"The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame Jaws that bite and claws that catch!
'Beware the Jabberwock, my son! And the frumious Bandersnatch!'"
"He took his Vorpal sword in hand The Vorpal blade went snicker -snack!
He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back"""
It's all about you, you know.
I'm not slaying anything. I don't slay, so put it out of your mind.
Mind.
Wait! You can't leave me here!
You don't slay.
Do you have any idea what the Red Queen has done?
You don't slay.
I couldn't if I wanted to.
You're not the same as you were before.
You were much more muchier. You've lost your muchness.
My "muchness"?
In there. Something's missing.
Tell me what Red Queen has done.
It's not a pretty story.
Tell me anyway.
It was here.
I was hatter to the White Queen at the time.
Hightopp clan have always been employed at court.
(MEDIEVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(JABBERWOCKY ROARING)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
(NEIGHING)
Hatter? Hatter!
I'm fine.
Are you?
(BAYARD BARKING)
Did you hear that? I'm certain I heard something.
What?
(BAYARD BARKING)
Oh! Red Knights.
(SNIFFING)
(BARKING)
Go south to Trotter's Bottom.
The White Queen's castle is just beyond.
Hold on tightly.
Down with the bloody Red Queen!
(BAYARD SNIFFING)
You were supposed to lead them away! The Hatter trusted you!
They have my wife and pups.
-What's your name?
-Bayard.
Sit!
Would your name be Alice, by any chance?
Yes, but I'm not the one that everyone's talking about.
The Hatter would not have given himself up just for any Alice.
Where did they take him?
To the Red Queen's castle at Salazen Grum.
We're going to rescue him.
That is not foretold.
I don't care. He wouldn't be there if it weren't for me.
The Frabjous Day is almost upon us.
You must prepare to meet the Jabberwocky.
From the moment I fell down that rabbit hole,
I've been told what I must do and who I must be.
I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched and stuffed into a teapot.
I've been accused of being Alice and of not being Alice, but this is my dream.
I'll decide where it goes from here.
If you diverge from the path...
I make the path.
Take me to Salazen Grum, Bayard, and don't forget the hat.
There's only one way across.
Lost my muchness, have I?
Bayard! The hat!
Your Majesty.
(FLAMINGO SQUAWKING)
(SQUEAKING)
So sorry.
Splendid shot!
Where's my ball? Page!
Yes, Your Majesty.
(SQUEAKING)
(SHUSHING) I want to help you.
(RUSTLING)
Well, if it isn't the wrong Alice.
What brings you here? Mmm?
I've come to rescue the Hatter.
You're not rescuing anyone being the size of a gerbil.
Well, do you have any more of that cake that made me grow before?
Upelkuchen? Actually, I might have some left.
Not all of it!
Oh, no! Stop! No, no, no, don't. Don't do that!
Page!
Oh, dear.
And what is this?
It... It's a "who, " Majesty. This is, um...
Um?
From Umbradge.
What happened to your clothes?
I outgrew them. I've been growing an awful lot lately.
I tower over everyone in Umbradge. They laugh at me.
So I've come to you, hoping you might understand what it's like.
My dear girl,
anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court.
1-2-3-4