1-2-3-4

Someone find her some clothes!
Use the curtains if you must, but clothe this enormous girl.
I need a pig here!
(GRUNTING)
(RED QUEEN SIGHING)
I love a warm pig belly for my aching feet.
-Would you like one, Um?
-No, thank you.
Sit!
(CHITTERING)
Sit!
Go away.
Where are my fat boys? You must meet them.
Fat boys!
Oh. There they are. Aren't they adorable?
They have the oddest way of speaking. Speak, boys. Amuse us.
Go on.
(MOUTHING) No.
Speak!
-Is that being...
-No, no, it isn't. Not a bit. No.
Contrariwise, I believe it's so.
No, it ain't so, nohow!
(GIGGLING)
I love my fat boys. Now, get out.
-He did pinch me.
-He did pinch me.
(GASPING)
And who is this lovely creature?
Um, my new favorite.
-Well, does she have a name?
-Um.
I believe your name has slipped the Queen's mind.
Her name is Um, idiot!
From Umbradge.
Any luck with the prisoner?
He's stubborn.
You're too soft. Bring him!
(DOOR CREAKING)
(PIG SQUEALING)
(SHACKLES CLATTERING)
We know Alice has returned to Underland.
Do you know where she is?
I've been considering things that begin with the letter "M."
Moron, mutiny, murder, malice.
We're looking for an "A" word now. Where is Alice?
Who, that wee little boy? (LAUGHS) I wouldn't know.
What if I take off your head? Will you know then?
(LAUGHING MANICALLY)
Stop that.
What a regrettably large head you have.
I should very much like to hat it.
-Hat È?
-Yes.
I used to hat the White Queen, you know.
Wasn't very much to work with, poor dear.
Her head is so small.
It's tiny. It's a pimple of a head.
But this...
What I could do with this monument, this orb...
Nay, this magnificently heroic globe.
What could you do?
Unbind him, Stayne.
How can he work if his hands are bound?
Well, then, shall it be a bonnet or a boater?
Or something for the boudoir?
Cloche, dunce hat, death cap, coif, snood, barboosh, pugree, yarmulke,
cockle hat, porkpie, tarn o'shanter, billycock, bicorne, tricorne, bandeau,

bongrace, fan -tail, night cap, Garibaldi, fez...
Hatter.
Fez?
Leave us.
The trees seem sad.
-Have you been speaking with them?
-Yes, Your Majesty.
Perhaps a bit more kindly.
Would you all excuse me for a moment? Thank you.
-What news, Bayard?
-Alice has returned to Underland.
-Where is she now?
-In Salazen Grum.
Forgive me. I allowed her to divert from her destined path.
No, no, no, no. But that is exactly where she will find the Vorpal sword.
We have our champion. Rest now. You've done well.
(SQUEAKING)
ALICE: Have you seen a hat around here?
You must find Alice, Stayne.
Without the Jabberwocky,
my sister's followers will surely rise against me.
Ugly little sister. Why do they adore her and not me?
STAYNE: I cannot fathom it. You are far superior in all ways.
RED QUEEN: I know.
But Mirana can make anyone fall in love with her.
Men, women,
(ANIMALS GRUNTING)
even the furniture.
Even the King?
I had to do it. He would have left me.
Majesty, is it not better to be feared than loved?
Not certain anymore.
Oh, let her have the rabble. I don't need them.
I have you.
They're wonderful.
You must let me try one on.
It is good to be working at my trade again.
It's just a pity you have to make them for her.
What is the hatter with me?
Hatter?
(CHAINS RATTLING)
(THUNDER CRASHING)
Hatter.
Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?
I'm frightened, Alice.
I don't like it in here. It's terribly crowded.
Have I gone mad?
I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers.
But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
Here.
That's better. You look yourself again.
RED QUEEN: Hat man! Where are my hats?
I'm not a patient monarch!
I'm told she keeps the Vorpal sword hidden in the castle.
The rabbit will help you.
Find it, Alice. Take it to the White Queen.
We'll go to the White Queen together.
Why is it you're always too small or too tall?
-Tweedles.
-Alice.
-How do you do, again?
-Where's the rabbit?
How is it you're being so great big?
She ain't great big, this is how she normal is.
I'm certain she's smaller when we met.
No, she drank the pishsalver to get through the door, recall it?
Oh, yeah.
-Where's the rabbit?
-BOTH: Overtheres.
-MALLY: What are you doing here?
-I'm rescuing the Hatter.
I'm rescuing the Hatter.
He told me that the Vorpal sword is hidden in the castle. Help me find it.
I don't take orders from big, clumsy, galumphing...
Shoo!
-What is it, McTwisp?
-I know where the sword is.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
The sword's hidden inside.
Be careful, Alice.
I know that smell.
(SNORING)
I'm not going in there.
Look what that thing did to my arm.
Dear, oh, dear. Why haven't you mentioned this?
It wasn't this bad before.
(HYPERVENTILATING)
Hatter? Where are you?
Hatter?
Mallymkun.
Do you still have the Bandersnatch eye?
Right here.
-I need it.
-Come and get it.
Hey! Give it back!
I like you, Um.
I like largeness.
Get away from me.
(BANDERSNATCH SNORING)
(CREAKING)
I have your eye.
(GROWLING)
(LOCK RATTLING)
(SNARLS)
(GROANS)
No.
Hmm.
MAN: You look stunning in that hat.
Yes. Next.
Your Majesty has never looked better.
Hmm. Another.
Oh!
I don't wish to alarm you,
but it smells as though you might have dropped something.
(LAUGHING)
Never mind him, he's mad. Come along.
(WHISPERING)
Stayne!
(BANDERSNATCH BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GROWLING)
I suppose this makes us even now.
Um forced herself on me.
I told her my heart belongs to you, but she's obsessed with me.
Off with her head!
Stand back, Mallymkun.
How's this for muchness?
No, no!
It mustn't be used for anything...
Arrest that girl for unlawful seduction!
<b>Hatter!</b>
-Take it to the White Queen.
-I'm not leaving without you.
Go!
Run, Alice!
Alice?
Run!
Seize her.
Alice.
Of course. Why didn't I see it?
Well, it has been a long time, and you were such a little tyke then.
-Give me the sword.
-Stay back.
The Queen will be so pleased.
She will take great pleasure in taking off your head.
(BANDERSNATCH ROARING)
-Oh, Alice!
-Bayard! To Marmoreal.
(BARKING)
(ROARING)
Majesty, Alice has escaped
on the Bandersnatch,
with the Vorpal sword.
How could you let this happen?
I may have underestimated her, but we have her conspirators,

the Hatter and a dormouse.
Off with their heads!
WHITE QUEEN: Welcome to Marmoreal.
I believe this belongs to you.
Mmm.
The Vorpal sword is home again.
The armor is complete.
Now all we need is a champion.
You're a little taller than I thought you'd be.
Blame it on too much upelkuchen.
Oh.
Come with me.
Is the March Hare here?
(EXCLAIMING) You're late for your soup, you wee besom.
-You're late for your soup.
-Could use some salt.
Come here, you!
Give me that here. Choppy, chop, chop, chop.
Leek and potato. Yes. That would be...
(SIGHING)
Pishsalver. Let me think.
A pinch of worm fat,
urine of the horsefly,
buttered fingers.
My sister preferred to study Dominion Over Living Things.
(SIZZLING)
Tell me, how does she seem to you?
Perfectly horrid.
-And her head?
-Bulbous.
I think she may have some kind of growth in there,
something pressing on her brain.
Three coins from a dead man's pocket, two teaspoons of wishful thinking.
You can't imagine the things that go on in that place.
Oh, yes, I can.
But when a champion steps forth to slay the Jabberwocky,
the people will rise against her.
(SPITTING)
That should do it.
Blow.
-Feel better?
-Much, thank you.
There's someone here who would like to speak with you.
-Absolem?
-Who are you?
(COUGHING)
I thought we'd settled this. I'm Alice, but not that one.
-How do you know?
-You said so yourself.
I said you were not hardly Alice,
but you're much more her now.
In fact, you're almost Alice.
Even so,
I couldn't slay the Jabberwocky if my life depended on it.
It will.
So I suggest you keep the Vorpal sword on hand
when the Frabjous Day arrives.
You seem so real.
Sometimes I forget that this is all a dream.
(COUGHING)
Will you stop doing that?
(LAUGHING)
(WHOOSHING)
I've always admired that hat.
Hello, Chess.
Since you won't be needing it anymore,
would you consider bequeathing it to me?
How dare you?
It is a formal execution. I would like to look my best, you know.
It is a pity about all this.
I was looking forward to seeing you Futterwacken.
I was rather good at it, was I not?
I really do love that hat.
I would wear it to all the finest occasions.
I love a morning execution, don't you?
-Yes, Your Majesty.
-Yes, Your Majesty.
-I'd like to keep it on.
-Suit yourself.
As long as I can get at your neck.
I'm right behind you.
Off with his head!
I can't watch.
(EXECUTIONER SHOUTING)
Good morning, everyone.
Chess, you dog.
-(GASPS)
-Madam,
you are being heinously bamboozled
by these lickspittle toadies you surround yourselves with.
(LAUGHING)
What is that?
I'm not the only one, Majesty. Look!
A counterfeit nose. You should be ashamed.
Me? What about that big belly you're so proud of?
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
Liars! Cheats! Falsifiers!
Off with their heads!
The abused and enslaved in the Red Queen's court,
all of you stand up and fight!
Rise up against the bloody Red Queen.
-Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
-ALL: Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
(ALL CHEERING)
Release the Jubjub Bird!

1-2-3-4