Alice in Wonderland.
Charles, you have finally lost your senses.
This venture is impossible.
For some. Gentlemen, the only way to achieve the impossible
is to believe it is possible.
That kind of thinking could ruin you.
I'm willing to take that chance.
Imagine trading posts in Rangoon, Bangkok, Jakarta...
The nightmare again?
I won't be long.
I'm falling down a dark hole,
then I see strange creatures.
What kind of creatures?
Well, there's a dodo bird, a rabbit in a waistcoat, a smiling cat.
I didn't know cats could smile.
(SIGHING) Neither did I.
And there's a blue caterpillar.
Blue caterpillar.
Hmm.
Do you think I've gone round the bend?
I'm afraid so. You're mad, bonkers, off your head.
But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
(LAUGHING)
It's only a dream, Alice. Nothing can harm you there.
But if you get too frightened, you can always wake up. Like this.
(LAUGHING) Ow!
(SIGHING)
Must we go?
Doubt they'll notice if we never arrive.
They will notice.
Where's your corset?
And no stockings.
I'm against them.
But you're not properly dressed.
Who's to say what is proper?
What if it was agreed that "proper" was wearing a codfish on your head?
-Would you wear it?
-Alice.
To me, a corset is like a codfish.
Please, not today.
Father would have laughed.
I'm sorry. I'm tired. I didn't sleep well last night.
Did you have bad dreams again?
Only one.
It's always the same, ever since I can remember.
Do you think that's normal?
Don't most people have different dreams?
I don't know.
There. You're beautiful.
Now, can you manage a smile?
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
At last. We thought you'd never arrive.
Alice, Hamish is waiting to dance with you. Go.
You do realize it's well past 4:00.
Now everything will have to be rushed through.
-I am sorry.
-Oh, never mind!
Forgive my wife. She's been planning this affair for over 20 years.
If only Charles were here...
My condolences.
I think of your husband often. He was truly a man of vision.
I hope you don't think I've taken advantage of your misfortunes.
Of course not. I'm pleased that you purchased the company.
I was a fool for not investing in his mad venture when I had the chance.
Charles thought so, too.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Hamish, do you ever tire of quadrille?
On the contrary. I find it invigorating.
(LAUGHS)
Do I amuse you?
No.
I had a sudden vision of all the ladies in trousers
and the men wearing dresses.
I think you'll do best to keep your visions to yourself.
When in doubt, remain silent.
(GEESE HONKING)
(GASPS)
Pardon us, sir. Miss Kingsleigh is distracted today.
Where's your head?
I was wondering what it would be like to fly.
Why would you spend your time
thinking about such an impossible thing?
Why wouldn't I?
My father said he sometimes believed in six impossible things
before breakfast.
(SOFTLY) Come along.
Alice, meet me under the gazebo in precisely 10 minutes.
(FAITH EXHALING EXCITEDLY)
We have a secret to tell you.
If you're telling me, then it's not much of a secret.
-Perhaps we shouldn't.
-We decided we should.
If we tell her, she won't be surprised.
-Will you be surprised?
-Not if you tell me.
But now you've brought it up, you have to.
-No, we don't.
-In fact, we won't.
I wonder if your mother knows
that you two swim naked in the Havershims' pond.
-You wouldn't.
-Oh, but I would.
There's your mother right now.
Hamish is going to ask for your hand.
You've ruined the surprise!
I could strangle them!
Everyone went to so much effort to keep the secret.
Does everyone know?
It's why they've all come. This is your engagement party.
Hamish will ask you under the gazebo. When you say yes...
But I don't know if I want to marry Hamish.
Who, then? You won't do better than a lord.
You'll soon be 20, Alice. That pretty face won't last forever.
You don't want to end up like Aunt Imogene.
And you don't want to be a burden on Mother, do you?
No.
So you'll marry Hamish.
You will be as happy as I am with Lowell,
and your life will be perfect.
It's already decided.
Alice, dear.
I'll leave you to it.
Shall we take a leisurely stroll through the garden, just you and me?
Do you know what I've always dreaded?
The decline of the aristocracy?
Ugly grandchildren. But you're lovely.
You're bound to produce little... Imbeciles!
The gardeners have planted white roses
when I specifically asked for red.
You could always paint the roses red.
What an odd thing to say.
You should know that my son has extremely delicate digestion.
(RUSTLING)
-Did you see that?
-See what?
-It was a rabbit, I think.
-Nasty things.
I do enjoy setting the dogs on them.
If you serve Hamish the wrong foods, he could get a blockage.
(RUSTLING)
Did you see it that time?
-See what?
-The rabbit.
Don't shout.
Now, pay attention. Hamish said you were easily distracted.
-What was I saying?
-Hamish has a blockage.
I couldn't be more interested, but you'll have to excuse me.
Aunt Imogene.
I think I'm going mad. I keep seeing a rabbit in a waistcoat.
I can't be bothered with your fancy rabbit now.
I'm waiting for my fiancé.
-You have a fiancé?
-Hmm.
(RUSTLING)
There! Did you see it?
He's a prince.
But, alas, he cannot marry me unless he renounces his throne.
It's tragic, isn't it?
Very.
Lowell?
Alice. We were just...
Hattie's an old friend.
I can see you're very close.
Look, you won't mention this to your sister, will you?
I don't know. I'm confused. I need time to think.
Well, think about Margaret. She'd never trust me again.
You don't want to ruin her marriage, do you?
Me?
But I'm not the one who's sneaking around behind her back.
There you are.
Alice Kingsleigh...
Hamish.
What is it?
You have a caterpillar on your shoulder.
Ew.
Don't hurt it.
You'll want to wash that finger.
Alice Kingsleigh,
will you be my wife?
Well,
everyone expects me to,
and you're a lord.
My face won't last, and I don't want to end up like...
But this is happening so quickly. I...
I think I...
(WATCH TICKING)
I think I...
I need a moment.
(WATCH TICKING)
Hello.
(ALICE SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(SCREAMING)
(RATTLING)
(GROANS)
(RATTLING)
(SNIFFING)
It's only a dream.
(COUGHING)
DODO: You'd think she would remember all this from the first time.
MALLY: You've brought the wrong Alice.
McTWISP: No, she's the right one. I'm certain of it.
(CLOTH TEARING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
MALLY: She's the wrong Alice.
McTWISP: Give her a chance.
(COUGHING)
(PIG GRUNTING)
(NEIGHING)
(SNARLING)
Curiouser and curiouser.
I told you she's the right Alice.
I am not convinced.
McTWISP: How is that for gratitude?
I've been up there for weeks, trailing one Alice after the next,
and I was almost eaten by other animals.
Can you imagine?
They go about entirely unclothed, and they do their shukm in public.
-I had to avert my eyes.
-Doesn't look anything like herself.
That's because she's the wrong Alice.
-If she was, she might be.
-If she isn't, she ain't.
-But if she were so, she would be.
-But she isn't, nohow.
How can I be the wrong Alice when this is my dream?
And who are you, if I might ask?
Oh, I'm Tweedledee, he's Tweedledum.
Contrariwise, I'm Tweedledum, he's Tweedledee.
We should consult Absolem.
Exactly. Absolem will know who she is.
-I'll escort you.
-Hey, it's not being your turn.
So unfair.
-Hey, leave off!
-Let go!
-Are they always this way?
-Family trait.
You can both escort her.
(WHINNYING)
-Who is this Absolem?
-He's wise. He's absolute.
He's Absolem.
Who are you?
Absolem?
You're not Absolem, I'm Absolem. The question is, who are you?
(COUGHING) Alice.
We shall see.
What do you mean by that? I ought to know who I am.
Yes, you ought, stupid girl. Unroll the Oraculum.
The Oraculum, being a calendrical compendium of Underland.
-It's a calendar.
-ABSOLEM: Compendium.
It tells of each and every day since the Beginning.
Today is Griblig Day in the time of the Red Queen.
Show her the Frabjous Day.
Mmm. Yeah, Frabjous being the day you slay the Jabberwocky.
Sorry? Slay a what?
Oh, yeah. That being you, there, with the Vorpal sword.
No other swords can kill the Jabberwocky, nohow.
If it ain't Vorpal, it ain't dead.
That's not me!
I know!
Resolve this for us, Absolem. Is she the right Alice?
Not hardly.
-I told you.
-McTWISP: Oh, dear.
-I said so.
-I said so.
TWEEDLEDUM: Contrariwise, you said she might be.
No, you said she would be if she was.
(SCOFFING) Little impostor. Pretending to be Alice. She should be ashamed.
I was so certain of you.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to be the wrong Alice.
Wait, this is my dream.
I'm going to wake up now and you'll all disappear.
That's odd. Pinching usually does the trick.
I could stick you, if that would help.
-It might, actually. Thank you.
-My pleasure.
Ow!
(GROWLING)
-Bandersnatch!
-Bandersnatch!
(ROARING)
(SQUAWKING)
(PANTING)
(SQUAWKS)
(SQUAWKS)
(ROARS)
Wait.
(GROWLING)
It's only a dream. Nothing can hurt me.
What's she doing?
Can't hurt me. Can't hurt me.
(ROARING)
Run, you great lug!
(ROARING IN PAIN)
(NEIGHING)
This way, east to Queast.
No, south to Snud.
No. No, no. This way.
(JUBJUB BIRD SCREECHING)
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
(SCREECHING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1-2-3-4
This venture is impossible.
For some. Gentlemen, the only way to achieve the impossible
is to believe it is possible.
That kind of thinking could ruin you.
I'm willing to take that chance.
Imagine trading posts in Rangoon, Bangkok, Jakarta...
The nightmare again?
I won't be long.
I'm falling down a dark hole,
then I see strange creatures.
What kind of creatures?
Well, there's a dodo bird, a rabbit in a waistcoat, a smiling cat.
I didn't know cats could smile.
(SIGHING) Neither did I.
And there's a blue caterpillar.
Blue caterpillar.
Hmm.
Do you think I've gone round the bend?
I'm afraid so. You're mad, bonkers, off your head.
But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
(LAUGHING)
It's only a dream, Alice. Nothing can harm you there.
But if you get too frightened, you can always wake up. Like this.
(LAUGHING) Ow!
(SIGHING)
Must we go?
Doubt they'll notice if we never arrive.
They will notice.
Where's your corset?
And no stockings.
I'm against them.
But you're not properly dressed.
Who's to say what is proper?
What if it was agreed that "proper" was wearing a codfish on your head?
-Would you wear it?
-Alice.
To me, a corset is like a codfish.
Please, not today.
Father would have laughed.
I'm sorry. I'm tired. I didn't sleep well last night.
Did you have bad dreams again?
Only one.
It's always the same, ever since I can remember.
Do you think that's normal?
Don't most people have different dreams?
I don't know.
There. You're beautiful.
Now, can you manage a smile?
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
At last. We thought you'd never arrive.
Alice, Hamish is waiting to dance with you. Go.
You do realize it's well past 4:00.
Now everything will have to be rushed through.
-I am sorry.
-Oh, never mind!
Forgive my wife. She's been planning this affair for over 20 years.
If only Charles were here...
My condolences.
I think of your husband often. He was truly a man of vision.
I hope you don't think I've taken advantage of your misfortunes.
Of course not. I'm pleased that you purchased the company.
I was a fool for not investing in his mad venture when I had the chance.
Charles thought so, too.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Hamish, do you ever tire of quadrille?
On the contrary. I find it invigorating.
(LAUGHS)
Do I amuse you?
No.
I had a sudden vision of all the ladies in trousers
and the men wearing dresses.
I think you'll do best to keep your visions to yourself.
When in doubt, remain silent.
(GEESE HONKING)
(GASPS)
Pardon us, sir. Miss Kingsleigh is distracted today.
Where's your head?
I was wondering what it would be like to fly.
Why would you spend your time
thinking about such an impossible thing?
Why wouldn't I?
My father said he sometimes believed in six impossible things
before breakfast.
(SOFTLY) Come along.
Alice, meet me under the gazebo in precisely 10 minutes.
(FAITH EXHALING EXCITEDLY)
We have a secret to tell you.
If you're telling me, then it's not much of a secret.
-Perhaps we shouldn't.
-We decided we should.
If we tell her, she won't be surprised.
-Will you be surprised?
-Not if you tell me.
But now you've brought it up, you have to.
-No, we don't.
-In fact, we won't.
I wonder if your mother knows
that you two swim naked in the Havershims' pond.
-You wouldn't.
-Oh, but I would.
There's your mother right now.
Hamish is going to ask for your hand.
You've ruined the surprise!
I could strangle them!
Everyone went to so much effort to keep the secret.
Does everyone know?
It's why they've all come. This is your engagement party.
Hamish will ask you under the gazebo. When you say yes...
But I don't know if I want to marry Hamish.
Who, then? You won't do better than a lord.
You'll soon be 20, Alice. That pretty face won't last forever.
You don't want to end up like Aunt Imogene.
And you don't want to be a burden on Mother, do you?
No.
So you'll marry Hamish.
You will be as happy as I am with Lowell,
and your life will be perfect.
It's already decided.
Alice, dear.
I'll leave you to it.
Shall we take a leisurely stroll through the garden, just you and me?
Do you know what I've always dreaded?
The decline of the aristocracy?
Ugly grandchildren. But you're lovely.
You're bound to produce little... Imbeciles!
The gardeners have planted white roses
when I specifically asked for red.
You could always paint the roses red.
What an odd thing to say.
You should know that my son has extremely delicate digestion.
(RUSTLING)
-Did you see that?
-See what?
-It was a rabbit, I think.
-Nasty things.
I do enjoy setting the dogs on them.
If you serve Hamish the wrong foods, he could get a blockage.
(RUSTLING)
Did you see it that time?
-See what?
-The rabbit.
Don't shout.
Now, pay attention. Hamish said you were easily distracted.
-What was I saying?
-Hamish has a blockage.
I couldn't be more interested, but you'll have to excuse me.
Aunt Imogene.
I think I'm going mad. I keep seeing a rabbit in a waistcoat.
I can't be bothered with your fancy rabbit now.
I'm waiting for my fiancé.
-You have a fiancé?
-Hmm.
(RUSTLING)
There! Did you see it?
He's a prince.
But, alas, he cannot marry me unless he renounces his throne.
It's tragic, isn't it?
Very.
Lowell?
Alice. We were just...
Hattie's an old friend.
I can see you're very close.
Look, you won't mention this to your sister, will you?
I don't know. I'm confused. I need time to think.
Well, think about Margaret. She'd never trust me again.
You don't want to ruin her marriage, do you?
Me?
But I'm not the one who's sneaking around behind her back.
There you are.
Alice Kingsleigh...
Hamish.
What is it?
You have a caterpillar on your shoulder.
Ew.
Don't hurt it.
You'll want to wash that finger.
Alice Kingsleigh,
will you be my wife?
Well,
everyone expects me to,
and you're a lord.
My face won't last, and I don't want to end up like...
But this is happening so quickly. I...
I think I...
(WATCH TICKING)
I think I...
I need a moment.
(WATCH TICKING)
Hello.
(ALICE SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(SCREAMING)
(RATTLING)
(GROANS)
(RATTLING)
(SNIFFING)
It's only a dream.
(COUGHING)
DODO: You'd think she would remember all this from the first time.
MALLY: You've brought the wrong Alice.
McTWISP: No, she's the right one. I'm certain of it.
(CLOTH TEARING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
MALLY: She's the wrong Alice.
McTWISP: Give her a chance.
(COUGHING)
(PIG GRUNTING)
(NEIGHING)
(SNARLING)
Curiouser and curiouser.
I told you she's the right Alice.
I am not convinced.
McTWISP: How is that for gratitude?
I've been up there for weeks, trailing one Alice after the next,
and I was almost eaten by other animals.
Can you imagine?
They go about entirely unclothed, and they do their shukm in public.
-I had to avert my eyes.
-Doesn't look anything like herself.
That's because she's the wrong Alice.
-If she was, she might be.
-If she isn't, she ain't.
-But if she were so, she would be.
-But she isn't, nohow.
How can I be the wrong Alice when this is my dream?
And who are you, if I might ask?
Oh, I'm Tweedledee, he's Tweedledum.
Contrariwise, I'm Tweedledum, he's Tweedledee.
We should consult Absolem.
Exactly. Absolem will know who she is.
-I'll escort you.
-Hey, it's not being your turn.
So unfair.
-Hey, leave off!
-Let go!
-Are they always this way?
-Family trait.
You can both escort her.
(WHINNYING)
-Who is this Absolem?
-He's wise. He's absolute.
He's Absolem.
Who are you?
Absolem?
You're not Absolem, I'm Absolem. The question is, who are you?
(COUGHING) Alice.
We shall see.
What do you mean by that? I ought to know who I am.
Yes, you ought, stupid girl. Unroll the Oraculum.
The Oraculum, being a calendrical compendium of Underland.
-It's a calendar.
-ABSOLEM: Compendium.
It tells of each and every day since the Beginning.
Today is Griblig Day in the time of the Red Queen.
Show her the Frabjous Day.
Mmm. Yeah, Frabjous being the day you slay the Jabberwocky.
Sorry? Slay a what?
Oh, yeah. That being you, there, with the Vorpal sword.
No other swords can kill the Jabberwocky, nohow.
If it ain't Vorpal, it ain't dead.
That's not me!
I know!
Resolve this for us, Absolem. Is she the right Alice?
Not hardly.
-I told you.
-McTWISP: Oh, dear.
-I said so.
-I said so.
TWEEDLEDUM: Contrariwise, you said she might be.
No, you said she would be if she was.
(SCOFFING) Little impostor. Pretending to be Alice. She should be ashamed.
I was so certain of you.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to be the wrong Alice.
Wait, this is my dream.
I'm going to wake up now and you'll all disappear.
That's odd. Pinching usually does the trick.
I could stick you, if that would help.
-It might, actually. Thank you.
-My pleasure.
Ow!
(GROWLING)
-Bandersnatch!
-Bandersnatch!
(ROARING)
(SQUAWKING)
(PANTING)
(SQUAWKS)
(SQUAWKS)
(ROARS)
Wait.
(GROWLING)
It's only a dream. Nothing can hurt me.
What's she doing?
Can't hurt me. Can't hurt me.
(ROARING)
Run, you great lug!
(ROARING IN PAIN)
(NEIGHING)
This way, east to Queast.
No, south to Snud.
No. No, no. This way.
(JUBJUB BIRD SCREECHING)
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
(SCREECHING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1-2-3-4